So we've just completed the third week of Lent, and I feel totally laid out.

I feel like nothing I do is right. Or, rather, I'd like to do the right things - things that are good for me, things that are good for others - but I just have been kind of letting myself atrophy. This week I had all the intentions of being active, reading and getting a significant amount of work done, planning for the next few months, getting things in gear to move blindly forward into the formless void of whatever is next for me in my life.

Self-pity is like self cannibalism, which is a real thing and it's called autosarcophagy and I only googled it because I knew it had a cool Greek name but I don't really want to know about people who try to eat themselves, because that is disgusting.

Where was I? Oh, yes. Self-pity is like self-cannibalism, maybe. I keep eating away at myself, knowing that I shouldn't, but I do it anyway. Sometimes there are movements outside of myself, but after prolonged efforts at this I find myself retreating, alone all day, simultaneously loving it and hating it. I want someone to pull me out, to rescue me, but who can do that? Who will put up with my antics, and my fickleness? No one I know really wants to deal with that. I don't even want to put up with it. I only do because, well, I can't get away from myself - wherever you go, there you are, etc.

Even as I write this I am feeling really down on myself.

I'm really hoping that this week will prove to be a bit more successful, and that I can do things that are good for me. Not like going to the spa and indulging myself, but doing things that are good FOR me - like keeping a routine and reading books and spending time with people and getting out of the house and hiking and eating vegetables.